As we step into the holiday season, many of us will find ourselves with extended family and friends at gatherings. And one thing that I try to remember is to talk to all of the teens and young adults in the room! But sometimes I have found that my well-meaning questions can completely miss the mark, leaving teens feeling misunderstood or even overwhelmed. Instead of asking the typical questions about grades, college plans, or their social media lives, let’s take a moment to consider some questions that can foster genuine connections. My goal is to focus on engaging conversations and encouraging young people to share their perspectives and what is important to them!
Question #1: “What is the most positive thing you have seen online this week?”
We live in an age dominated by technology, and while it’s easy to criticize teens for spending a lot of time on their devices, we can also recognize the opportunities they engage with online. Instead of chastising someone for scrolling through their phone at the party, asking them about the most positive thing they’ve seen online invites them to share good news and uplifting content. It is also a way to engage and reinforce positivity and helps create a connection as you talk about what they saw or read.
Question #2: “What are your future plans?”
When adults ask teens about college, it can feel like a lot of pressure, especially for those who may be uncertain about their next steps or don’t plan on attending college. By reframing the question to focus on future plans instead, we open a door to discussing a variety of possibilities beyond the traditional educational pathway. This can include taking a gap year, starting a job, pursuing a trade, or diving into creative projects. Acknowledging that each young person has their own journey is empowering and lets them reflect on what they truly desire for their future. It shows that you’re interested in them as an individual.
Question #3: “What is one thing you are really proud of that happened this year?”
This is a wonderful way to shift the focus onto their personal accomplishments and growth. The year may have had its ups and downs, but choosing to celebrate what they are proud of helps foster a sense of self-esteem and confidence in a young person. They may share achievements from sports, academics, creative endeavors, or personal challenges they’ve overcome. As they share, express gratitude for their amazing accomplishment, and show that you care about them.
Question #4: “What are you looking forward to most this holiday season?”
Hopefully this question will lead to a discussion about their favorite holiday memories or experiences or something they are looking forward to about the holidays and create a connection. It might even lead to planning a special activity with that teen if you have a closer relationship.
Question #5: “Who is someone you look up to in your life right now?”
Whether it’s a celebrity, a teacher, a family member, or even a fictional character, the person they admire can give you insight into what qualities they cherish and can open up a unique conversation.
Bonus Question: “What is one thing outside of school that is exciting in your life?”
I think oftentimes we ask teens too much about school and grades and all of the things. Sometimes school isn’t a happy place for teens or college is stressful for young adults. Have this question open up a conversation about their hobbies and interest—even if it is something you don’t quite understand! There is nothing better than seeing a teen or young person’s eyes light up when talking about their interests.
Engaging teens and young adults in conversations during the holiday season can be rewarding and uplifting when approached with the right start. And hopefully these five questions will give you a jumping off place that leads more questions or genuine dialogue and meaningful connections. Let’s make it a goal this season to uplift and encourage the voices of the youth around us—one question at a time. Happy holidays!
This is awesome. Thanks for taking the time to think about this and then share with all of us. I am sharing it with the adults around me! And I am going to use these with the teenagers I work with!