School’s Out: One Teachers End of the Year Feelings

School’s Out: One Teachers End of the Year Feelings….or….a better name for this post might be “If you have teacher friends, be nice to them, they probably aren’t ok.”

I teach junior high….and school just let out for summer vacation.

The Wednesday before school ended was “Yearbook Day”.

I spent the morning in final IEP meetings, signing yearbooks, and then it was time….

…it was my turn.

I was 1 of 5 teachers sacrificed to the dunk tank in the back parking lot.

Sure it was sunny but the temperature was only in the 60’s and the water was freezing!!!!

I climbed up into the seat.

Students lined up…..so many students….

And BOOM! I was dunked by a kiddo from my art class last semester on his first throw!

I quit counting how many times I was dunked….but it was more times than any other teacher!!!

And I honestly don’t know who had more fun…the kids trying to dunk me or me trash talking the kids while they were trying to throw the ball at the lever.

All I know is that I came home that night cold, tired, and knowing that the next day I still needed to clean out both of my classrooms, finalize grades, answer emails, finish up some online training, and, of course, say goodbye to classrooms full of my students.

I peeled off my still damp clothes and climbed into the shower.

As I reached for the shampoo I noticed something I had forgotten.

Something written on my hand.

I love you.

And I started to cry.

Sobs.

Yes, I was physically exhausted. I’m old! And I had to climb the ladder out of the dunk tank how many times????

But I was also emotionally exhausted and filled an assortment of feelings that I couldn’t (still can’t) quite name…sadness, concern, worry, anxiety, loss, overwhelm????

You see, I knew that the girl who had written “I love you” on my hand earlier that day would be one of many who would losing their safe place for the next 3 months.

She, like so many others, will be disconnected from 2 solid meals a day, adults checking in on her well being, daily hugs, reliable routines, and stability. For a lot of students school is their safe place.

This thought overwhelmed my already tender heart and I leaned my tired head against the shower wall and cried.

I cried for the kids that I love so much. I cried for the situations I can not change.

I cried because this year I feel like I have been in a proverbial dunk tank.

It goes like this…I get settled into a good routine, pattern, groove, whatever and then BAM! I’m sliding down into a cold abyss.

And it hasn’t just been the loss of my mom and grandma or having covid (again) or having a kinked colon that have plunged me into the cold. (Although those things certainly have thrown me some solid curve balls.)

It has been following along with the turbulent lives of my students….accidents, abuse, neglect, found children, lost children, fights, suspensions, expulsions, drugs, vaping, disorders, mental health problems…the list could go on and on.

These kids go through so much and as teachers we LOVE our students.

We love them hard.

We know their habits, moods, personalities. We know their strengths and their weaknesses.

We love to make them smile. We hate to see them cry.

We love them like they are our own.

Because they are.

For anywhere from 1 to 3 class periods a day they are mine. We talk and laugh and share. We learn about art and life and friendships and ourselves.

So often it is nothing short of magical. (Honestly it is…I will fight you on that…come to a class where we are listening to “Here Comes the Sun” with our only light source being the windows and my twinkle lights over head while 37 seventh graders sing along while sketching marshmallows and tell me that isn’t magical.)

But other times teaching can be anywhere from challenging to frustrating to down right heartbreaking.

And all of this togetherness…this sharing of time and space and ourselves comes at a cost.

A toll is taken on our emotions….as well as our mental and physical strength.

And then sprinkle in some of the other challenges that come along with teaching such as never ending meetings, difficult parents, professional development, limited funding, large class sizes, etc. etc. etc. and by the time June rolls around most teachers are done. Stick a fork in us we are done. D.O.N.E. Done.

However, our exhaustion, worry, and overwhelm doesn’t make us love these mini humans any less. In fact, all of this may even make us love them all the more. After all…we’ve been on a journey. A journey together.

So…..the end of the school year is a hard time for teachers.

We are indeed done….finished physically, mentally, and emotionally.

But, we have also become terribly attached to our students.

It is a strange time…we can’t wait to kick our students out of our classroom and start the summer vacation that we so desperately need but at the same time…we can’t stand the thoughts of letting our kids go….and we worry…we worry so much about what will happen to them over the next 3 months…and beyond…

It’s exhausting.

I cry a lot. And not just in the shower. 🙂

What a job. How did I end up back in a classroom? How did I end up in junior high all over again?

But even as I type this I know how. I love it. I just love it. And as soon as I’m done typing this I’m going to start making lesson plans for next year….because I have some really great ideas. (And not just ideas like dressing up in rad 60’s garb when I teach OP Art like in the photo above….or adding onto THIS mural on the outside of my classroom.

So what is the moral to the story?

I guess it is just this: If you know a teacher who just said goodbye to her students and is starting her summer vacation give her some love, some quiet, some space, and some nachos (ok maybe it’s just me who wants the nachos) because right now, they need it.