Eleven days ago I was sitting at the computer answering emails and texting my brothers sarcastic comments about the recent legislative session. But mostly texting my brothers because we were so funny we just couldn’t stop. Until my sister sent us all a text that said, “We have bad news…”
And the seconds, hours, and days following that message have seemed to have gone on forever.
My sister was with my dad at the hospital. They had taken my mom in for a procedure that is meant to help stop the side affects of the Parkinson’s Disease that she was diagnosed with 15 years ago. We all knew that the operation was serious however the benefits seemed to so far outweigh the risks that all of us were way more excited that she would be able to have the surgery than we were afraid of the risks. However, not long after the operation began my mom suffered a serious stroke.
The procedure was stopped. My dad and sister were informed of the situation and my sister sent us the message: “We have bad news…”
I remember hurriedly driving up to the hospital with my brothers….me asking questions while I drove and them googling any information they could find in an effort to prepare us for the hospital.
But nothing really prepares you for things like this.
We found my dad and sister in the waiting room outside the trauma unit. There our family set up base camp for the next 7 days….waiting…
Waiting to hear if my mom would survive the stroke….waiting to be able to see her…waiting to see if she would ever open her eyes again…waiting to see if the bleeding had stopped…waiting to see if she would be able to breathe if they removed the breathing tube…waiting to see if they could control the swelling in her brain…and the seconds lasted forever.
Today my mom is still in the hospital and we are still waiting.
Her breathing tube has been removed and she has been weaned off of the oxygen mask. She still has a feeding tube and is unable to stand, sit, or communicate.
Fortunately she is no longer living in the Intensive Care Unit. She was moved Friday night to a rehabilitation unit that works with those who have suffered brain trauma. I was able to spend some time alone with her and the therapists on Saturday…reviewing the pre-stroke mom with them..all of her abilities, qualities, interests, and determination…and helping them to set some goals that we all desperately want to see attained. My heart broke as we tried to practice things like swallowing and holding our head up. How hard this must be for her. And the seconds seemed to last forever.
Monday night we took our kids up to see their grandma for the first time since the stroke. I worried about taking them…I worried about not taking them…they see their grandma usually once or twice a week and they love her but how would they respond? I did my best to prepare them but like I said earlier nothing really prepares you for things like this. If they were scared or afraid it would break both my parents hearts. My head hurt. My heart hurt. There was a lump in my throat. They walked in the door, Simon in the lead…everything was quiet…the seconds lasted forever.
My mom raised her hand and Grace grabbed onto it.
My head still hurt, my heart still hurt, and I was having trouble keeping the lump in my throat from rolling down my cheeks. But I knew that bringing my children to see their grandma was the right thing to do. Everything was not perfect but it is what I would call a success.
Right now I can’t tell you what the future holds for my mom. No one can tell you…believe me, we’ve asked. We’ve asked every doctor, nurse, and therapist we’ve come across and all they can tell us is that only time itself will show how well she will recover. But I can tell you what I want. I want my mom back….whatever we can get.
And I can tell you something else…in these past 11 days full of seconds that have lasted forever…I’ve learned about strokes, brains, a variety of breathing apparatuses, and the lives of our super amazing nurses…but I’ve also learned something else, something about myself. I suppose it’s something that I’ve always known…the real reason Elizabeth and I feel so drawn to what we keep calling “the art of homemaking”…which is that when I am standing there in those moments that last forever the only thing that matters is my family…and those people that make up my family…my husband, children, parents, and siblings…those are the ones that I want to be with FOREVER…in the good times or the bad.
Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. And while I wish that these past 11 days were just a terrible dream I will still feel lucky…lucky to have a mom to wait for…lucky to have a dad who loves my mom…lucky to have a husband who loves me…lucky to have three beautiful children…and lucky to have some seriously awesome siblings.
-liZ
I am so sorry to hear of your mother’s stroke. My brother suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) following a car accident. The doctors told us to remember that it is a marathon rather than a sprint with recovery and rehab. We didn’t know the full extent of his recovery until a few years had passed. He had a good outcome in part due to the support and love of family and friends. Praying for her healing and recovery!
liZ, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My mother-in-law suffered a stroke last year and we went through some of the same things. We are continuing to be surprised at what she has accomplished. Just know it takes time and determination. I hope your mom recovers as much if not more than my mother-in-law has.
So sorry to hear about your Mom liz. You’re right, families are the best, most important things, and you have a great one.
Liz, I’ve too stood where you stand now. It’s an overwhelming and frightening place to be. It is going to take a lot of strength going forward, but having the support and love of family makes all the difference in the world. Take each moment as it comes, celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Try and keep a sense of humor, ever when there seems to be none. Ask for help when you need it. And know you’re not alone.
Sending you big hugs and lots of love. I had tears in my eyes reading this. You are a wonderful mom and daughter. Please take care of yourself.
Thank you for sharing the update with us liZ. Your writing is always so beautiful and these words are even more so. The thought of things changing in an instant is a scary one. And why we love all the moments we have with our family. God bless you and your family. I pray you are able to get your mom back to a better spot for her and all of you. I’d say the moment your mom put her hand out and your daughter grabbed it was a second that will last forever in your mind.
We went up last night to see her.. I have such love for your mom and dad. Your dad is an amazing spouse.. He has such love for your mom. I have seen it first hand. When we have been on trips with them. He is so aware of her needs. You know how much that they care for each other..And you kids are so important to her. The night before she went in. She told us how much she loved having her children around her. She is so proud of all you guys. And she is a fighter. Sending Love,Prayers,Hugs
liZ -thank you for the update. We are all waiting here with you. Just know that your family is the most important circle you have, AND you have created a whole network of people who truly care for you.
Still keeping you all in my thoughts, and hoping she has a full recovery at whatever speed she needs.
LOVE to you.
Thanks for writing. It’s good to think through these things, to focus on what really matters.
Also, I stumbled across this from an old family friend today and it made me think of you: http://halfacupofcoke.com/2016/02/19/being-creative-in-the-home/#more-948
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us… your blogging connections. I agree that family is the most important thing in your life. Yesterday, my granddaughter was home sick with me. She was so excited about the fact that her grandpa was coming home for lunch with us. She set up the dining room table, and when the three of us sat down for a sandwich she said, ” This is exactly all I want…” I said a little prayer of thankfulness for this child in my life. I’m sure that is how your mother feels when she sees and interacts with your children.
Deborah
Been thinking about you and your mom and family. I hope she continues to improve. Hugs
Praying for your mom and all of you. Your site is on my favorites page, and I visit almost every day. As a pastor’s wife we are with people so many times in the hospital time. God is faithful in all He allows so trust Him. Keep believing for the miracle that can happen.
Prayers for complete healing for your mother and prayers for you and all your family.
Liz- I am so sorry to hear about your mother, and I’m sending you lots of love and positive healing thoughts. My husband had a stroke nearly 5 years ago now. At the time, they told us that he would be lucky if he walked again, and that he would probably never use his right arm again. He failed his first swallow test, and it was heart wrenching to watch. The stroke rocked our world, but luckily, my husband was determined, and after a lot of physio, he is now walking completely unassisted, and he has lots of movement in his right arm, and his right hand. Try to stay positive, I know it’s hard and really scary. When you feel up to it, check out the books: My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, and the Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge. Also Dr. Frederick Carrick was a godsend, and he specializes in brain injuries – google him, and please don’t hesitate to email me if I can help or listen (heather@thepugandneedle.com).
Liz,
Two years ago my brother called to tell us Mom had stopped breathing, he had performed CPR and they were at the hospital. We sat in ICU and waited for days for news of what had happened. We prayed that her eyes would open, that she would squeeze one of our hands, give us a sign.
Then were told at some point she had suffered a massive stroke.
When we moved her out of ICU into Palliative care I brought Wub up to see her everyday. She sat on Mom’s bed and told her about her day at school and sang her songs.
It was so hard knowing if we were doing the right thing. Would Wub be scarred or too distressed by the process? Mom never opened her eyes again. she passed away 11 days after we got the call.
I am so glad we had time at the end. That my daughter got to be there with thte woman she loved so dearly. I don’t regret it all.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your Mom makes the fullest recovery possible and most of all I hope you get as much forever as you can.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Thanks you for sharing. Love all your posts but especially the home-making ones…. Good luck in the days to come.
I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing this post. Hugs to you and your family during this time.