Lately, I have been feeling like I am failing as a mother. I know it’s normal and I know we have all been there, but the feelings have been so real and so overwhelming lately.
Let me share a couple of examples….
I have one child that is struggling with growing up, toss in some learning issues and childhood anxiety, and life isn’t so simple. And I don’t know how to help. We have talked to professionals, written up plans for the school—but starting school next week isn’t helping with my overwhelming sense of helplessness in how things are going. It’s hard.
And I have another three-year old that is crayyyyyzee busy. For example, when I was in the shower last week, he opened the freezer (bottom drawer) and left it open so our puppy climbed and started helping himself to a frozen potato casserole and tinfoil. All over the downstairs. All in the space of ten minutes—which then took over an hour to clean up cream sauce and potatoes from carpets and wood floors. It was all I could do to not loose my cool at that moment. It’s hard.
At times, motherhood is hard. It just is. I don’t even think it matters how many kids you have –I thought one was overwhelming.
But I learned a lesson last week. And maybe the lesson that I needed to learn will help just one of you out there too.
It was while I was sanding.
One afternoon I was out in the garage sanding a headboard I made for my youngest’s room. It was during resting time (in our house that is reading in rooms—or naps–and yes, I am strict about it. I think everyone needs their own space for an hour).
There I was, standing in the garage with the power sander trying to make the board on the top of the headboard as smooth as possible…and thinking about how hard things are right now with certain issues in this journey of motherhood.
And then suddenly a light bulb went off in my head. It’s meant to be hard. Yes, at times, motherhood is meant to be hard. It’s meant to do exactly what I was doing to that board—smooth out all those rough edges. And while there are times in my life when those edges are getting smoothed out nice and slowly with a piece of fine sanding paper….there are other times when it’s the power sander.
But the end result is the same and it’s the end result that I ultimately want as a mother.
To learn and to grow and get more of my faults and rough edges to be smooth.
So, while the situations are probably not changing anytime soon, I am now trying to look at those “hard mothering situations” as lessons…..lessons in sanding.
~Elizabeth
I am all for the “my time”. When my oldest was outgrowing naps and I still had a younger one (5 and 2) my grandmother said we all need “my time”. So it was born and I was strict too. You could read, draw, make up movies in your head (oldest did this :)) or nap–which sometimes came with the quietness. I used it to toil in peace and take care of loose ends usually. And here is the rest of it…we did this in the lower elementary grades also!!! YES! Do it. Think about kids being at school, all the stimulation, then the transition to home. (The entryway area moments can still cause issues with a now 10 and 13 year old. Just yesterday my 13 yr. old felt the need to pull down her sister’s skirt to be “funny”–NOT.)Then, I found the time after snack to go upstairs and have quiet time to decompress before coming together as a family was a very good thing! Only 30-45 minutes but it was needed and worked! Now, they are off to do homework:) Hang in there–you are a great mom–we are not perfect, but we do are darned best and yes, that is good enough:)
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing! Oh man….that situation with the freezer and food all over the house – congrats for not loosing it….I am not sure I would be able to do the same!
Well said. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
We also had “quiet time” both after lunch and before bed. As the boys got older they used the time before bed to unwind and read before the “lights out” hour. As an extra plus, as adults they all enjoy reading for pleasure now. And for me…I got to feel a little less harried, a little more sane.
This is something all mothers need to read. I remember having “quiet time” for 1 hour in my house when my girls were little. Now they are teenagers and I do very little power sanding but still need some fine sanding here and there.
Thanks
I can’t remember where I got it from but I am sure glad someone gave me that advice….it has been a HUGE help!
Lots of craziness happens when mom’s in the shower around here 😉
Thanks Olga…
I am hoping for life-long readers….you give me hope!
Jennifer, I am happy to hear the “power sanding” might lessen!!!
Very nicely put!
So true– I used to say that about marriage. in the end you will have two pieces that fit together perfectly. It takes time. It’s the same for kids– except they keep changing! Huge, huge, hugs from Texas. Yes we have all been there, and we are cheering for you and your kiddos!
You are so right. And I have a bad habit of looking at things like taking an hour to clean up something (I have a busy 2 and 3 year old so that happens all the time) like wasted time but I have to remind myself that it is just part of the job.
I am going to have to re-read your wise words a few more times so that I can commit them to memory. Circumstances are such that I have my 3 year old granddaughter a great deal of the time. Even for someone much younger than myself she would be considered extremely “spirited”. Most days the tears are sitting there, waiting to fall. I need to remind myself to just breathe and this is how things are supposed to be.
I agree with Mie! Way to go not losing your cool! Seriously. And what a great lesson.
Oh Cheryl, I feel for you with a “spirited” three year old….I always tell myself it’s such a good thing that they are cutie pies at three!
I need that reminder too Christine!
Awesome to think about marriage that way too….
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I love your perspective.
I think it is brilliant to have mandatory “rest time”, especially for us as parents.
Creating with wood or sewing with fabric usually has such a cathartic effect on me, and I can re-center and have another go at being Mom with newfound enthusiasm.
Having a teen girl (and a 7 year old who lives in the shadow of her sister’s teen mood swings) is beautifully difficult. The thing that got me through childbirth, was the idea that thousands/millions/gazillions of women had endured this very challenge, and lived to tell the tale. I love knowing there are many of us (parents) in this together. It helps.
~Michelle
I love your “and lived to tell the tale”…I need to remember that some days 😉
Thanks! I think we all need a little reminder like this sometimes. At least I know I do. Especially when one of my kids hit the “let’s explore this gooshy stuff in my diaper” stage like my youngest just has.